My dear fellow Proverbs 31 Women in Progress,
When I reached my 30s last year, I went through a little phase of depression. Indeed, everybody around me was already married and/or in the process of having children. And I was still single and childless!
Moreover, my entourage was pressuring me and it didn’t help. You know, they were asking me questions like:
- when do you get married?
- don’t you miss sex?
- you come at an age where you have to be married, otherwise you’ll be old and you won’t be able to have children anymore
- I hope you’re not too demanding in the men’s department, otherwise you’ll end lonely
- a real woman has a husband and children – otherwise, she is a nobody
I’ve started to take it personally and asked myself if I was not normal. After all, everybody gets married, so why am I still single? I even started to think about doing everything, including dating men who didn’t suit me, so that I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
Fortunately, God in His infinite wisdom and mercy opened my eyes and changed my perspective about singleness.
One day, I stumbled upon the following verse:
I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
What does it mean? It means that married women are not superior to unmarried women, according to the Scripture. Jesus redeems us all, whatever our marital status is.
If you’re married, you don’t sin and it’s good; after all, God created the institution of marriage in the Garden of Eden!
But if you’re single, it’s not bad either – here is why:
Being single should be considered as a privilege, because it gives us the opportunity to grow in self-control and sanctification.
Don’t get me wrong: I still want to get married and start a family, and I still pray God for it. But I don’t want to get married just for the society’s sake. For me, being married should reflect the glory of the Lord; not selfish desires.
I don’t want to get married just to conform to what is expected of me. This is a worldly way of thinking. I trust God in this area because He knows what’s best for me.
So, you may ask: if you’re unmarried and you don’t take care of children, what will be your priorities? Here is the answer.
Our priority as single women
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
1 Corinthians 7: 32-40
I decided that my top priority should be the following: pleasing the Lord. The main advantage as an unmarried woman is that I can entirely dedicate myself to the Lord. I can study the Bible, decide when and how long I pray, fast and meditate the Scripture without being accountable to anyone, except to God.
Moreover, I have the freedom to pursue my projects and my interests without worrying about the wishes of a husband or children. It’s not that you can’t do this as a married woman, but you’ll always put your husband and children first – and don’t get me wrong,this is good.
My priorities as a single woman
In the light of the Scripture studied above, here are my new priorities:
- Pleasing the Lord
- Seeking wisdom and knowledge
- Sharing my knowledge with people – especially through this blog that I consider as a ministry
- Setting goals and achieve them
- Spending time with my family
- Taking care of my heart and body
- Enjoying life – yes you can enjoy life as a single Christian woman! I recently had a trip to Portugal that I really enjoyed
- Supporting my friends, whether they are married or not – I am always happy when I hear that a friend of mine is getting married or is having a baby and I don’t envy them at all!
Conclusion of the whole matter
If you are married, be a good wife and praise the Lord. Support and encourage your unmarried friends.
If you are unmarried, praise the Lord for the wonderful gift he gave you and enjoy your freedom!
What are your thoughts about my post on celibacy? Please don’t hesitate to share your point of view!
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