Thoughts About My Celibacy




My dear fellow Proverbs 31 Women in Progress,

When I reached my 30s last year, I went through a little phase of depression. Indeed, everybody around me was already married and/or in the process of having children. And I was still single and childless!

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Moreover, my entourage was pressuring me and it didn’t help. You know, they were asking me questions like:

  • when do you get married?
  • don’t you miss sex?
  • you come at an age where you have to be married, otherwise you’ll be old and you won’t be able to have children anymore
  • I hope you’re not too demanding in the men’s department, otherwise you’ll end lonely
  • a real woman has a husband and children – otherwise, she is a nobody

I’ve started to take it personally and asked myself if I was not normal. After all, everybody gets married, so why am I still single? I even started to think about doing everything, including dating men who didn’t suit me, so that I wouldn’t be alone anymore.

Fortunately, God in His infinite wisdom and mercy opened my eyes and changed my perspective about singleness.

One day, I stumbled upon the following verse:

I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9

What does it mean? It means that married women are not superior to unmarried women, according to the Scripture. Jesus redeems us all, whatever our marital status is.

If you’re married, you don’t sin and it’s good; after all, God created the institution of marriage in the Garden of Eden!

But if you’re single, it’s not bad either – here is why:

Being single should be considered as a privilege, because it gives us the opportunity to grow in self-control and sanctification.

Don’t get me wrong: I still want to get married and start a family, and I still pray God for it. But I don’t want to get married just for the society’s sake. For me, being married should reflect the glory of the Lord; not selfish desires.

I don’t want to get married just to conform to what is expected of me. This is a worldly way of thinking. I trust God in this area because He knows what’s best for me.

So, you may ask: if you’re unmarried and you don’t take care of children, what will be your priorities? Here is the answer.

Our priority as single women

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.

1 Corinthians 7: 32-40

I decided that my top priority should be the following: pleasing the Lord. The main advantage as an unmarried woman is that I can entirely dedicate myself to the Lord. I can study the Bible, decide when and how long I pray, fast and meditate the Scripture without being accountable to anyone, except to God.

Moreover, I have the freedom to pursue my projects and my interests without worrying about the wishes of a husband or children. It’s not that you can’t do this as a married woman, but you’ll always put your husband and children first – and don’t get me wrong,this is good.




My priorities as a single woman

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In the light of the Scripture studied above, here are my new priorities:

  • Pleasing the Lord
  • Seeking wisdom and knowledge
  • Sharing my knowledge with people – especially through this blog that I consider as a ministry
  • Setting goals and achieve them
  • Spending time with my family
  • Taking care of my heart and body
  • Enjoying life – yes you can enjoy life as a single Christian woman! I recently had a trip to Portugal that I really enjoyed
  • Supporting my friends, whether they are married or not – I am always happy when I hear that a friend of mine is getting married or is having a baby and I don’t envy them at all!

Conclusion of the whole matter

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If you are married, be a good wife and praise the Lord. Support and encourage your unmarried friends.

If you are unmarried, praise the Lord for the wonderful gift he gave you and enjoy your freedom!

What are your thoughts about my post on celibacy? Please don’t hesitate to share your point of view!

Stay blessed!

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This entry was posted in Wisdom.

24 comments

  1. Andrea Sivani says:

    This post definitely came in good timing for me. Coming from an asian culture, we have enormous pressure to marry at a young age. I have surpassed that page and so know what it feels like to have people question why you’re still single and also make remarks about how time is running out. But I will never settle for marriage to please others, I am waiting for the one that is meant for me and I have faith he will appear one day. Until then, I have been blessed with the opportunity to pursue my dreams and freedom. Thanks for sharing this post, it is very comforting and empowering!

  2. compteach says:

    Hello,
    I thought only in my country people are making pressure about getting married. Like everything is fine about your life, but you know, you should get married, Who said that I should. Of course everyone want, but what if you have a problem that you don’t to. Its not the only thing in life to do, you have millions of other obligations. Nice post, share it for reading

  3. jettaranda says:

    Great article, definitely stands up for the unmarried woman. Although I have been guilty of wondering why my unmarried friends are still single. To speak in defense there are a few who think the perfect man is going to land in their laps.

    Don’t you think a person should be a bit social as well as actively searching for the right person to come along or should they just wait for it to happen on its own?

    I have raised two daughters to whom I have taught sharing yourself is a special gift. So you write in my a language I understand very much. As my culture also is that of keeping true to myself until we find someone worthy of ourselves.

    • angelce says:

      hello,

      I do think that people should be social and enjoy life so that they find their mate. However what I blame is the pressure of the entourage

  4. Joyin says:

    Thank you so much for this post. Honestly this post is just about the thoughts I had of me during the week and I must say I read all those passages too. I just thought to myself, why worry so much. The Lord himself said, “…When the right time comes, I will make this happen quickly. I am the Lord!” (Isaiah 60:22)

    Often times I’m so distressed about either the marital or employment issues but I’m learning to speak to myself everyday and say “Be Patient! It will be worth the wait.” The Lord is preparing it all for you in all his grace and splendour and planning to give it all to me in grandly and worthily.

    Learning to love me better and working to move and walk better in his light, serving him with love, faith and trust.
    #PatientlyAProverbs31WomanInProgress

  5. Selasi says:

    Well said dear, many single ladies today are under pressure and feels they can never be fulfilled or fruitful if life without men. This is an additional tip i can share with my ladies in church when given the opportunity. Thanks.

  6. Rima says:

    Hi I loved this post. It is so empowering. But the last part of the quoted verse, makes me understand how much the Lord understand us, maybe more than we understand ourselves:
    “For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
    Do you agree?
    Many thanks.

  7. Precious says:

    So glad to be a P31 Woman in Progress.
    I learn from every of your article but this particular one is very soothing and encouraging. God bless you Ma!

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