Is It Lust or Is It Love?


My beloved Proverbs 31 women in progress,

I hope you are well today. Today, I’ll write a short post related to help you detect if a man really loves you or if it’s just pure infatuation.

When we watch films or read some popular books, we see that he world wants to show us that love is mainly physical (eros in Greek). We even have studies showing the physical manifestations of love on our bodies, such as clumsiness or red cheeks, to quote a few.

Though I don’t deny these love signs, I think we should go beyond what the world teaches us and see what the Word of God teaches us about it.

Now let’s start with the story of Amnon and Tamar.

The case of Amnon and Tamar

Do you know the story of Amnon and Tamar? It is related in 2 Samuel 13:1-21. Amnon, the eldest son of King David, was supposedly in love with his half-sister Tamar, who was a very beautiful young woman.

He “loved” her to the point where he became sick and thin because of her. Also, as she was a virgin, he couldn’t approach her and sleep with her.

Following the advice of his best friend, he pretended to be ill and when his father visited him, he asked if Tamar could come and cook some cakes for him. HIs father did not see anything malicious in this request and accepted this request.

Tamar came and cooked, but he didn’t want to eat and ordered everybody to get out. Afterwards, he asked her to bring the food in the bedroom, but when she intended to give food to him; he asked her to have sex with him.

She tried to plead with him, saying that he would be a fool and that she would live with shame forever; she even told him that he could ask her hand in marriage to the King if he wished. But he didn’t listen to her and raped her.

However, after sleeping with her, he hated her so much that his hatred exceeded the “love” he once have for her. He kicked her out and she went on living with her full-blooded brother Absalom with her shame. As for Amnon, he was later killed by Absalom who wanted to get revenge from his sister’s rape.

What we can learn from Amnon and Tamar

The Bible tells us that Amnon loved Tamar but was it really love? I don’t think so. Amnon’s feelings revolved only around the physical beauty of Tamar. He was infatuated with her. He probably dreamed about her, had fantasies about her and he just wanted to possess her physically.

Her true personality, her dreams or her feelings did not matter to him. All he wanted was to satisfy his immediate sexual needs.

When he got what he wanted, he didn’t want anything to do with her. He already got what he had sought after for so long and he didn’t need her anymore.

Amnon basically lusted after Tamar. When a man lusts after you, he will mainly talk about your body parts, how he dreams about you – and if you check, his dreams are sexual.

And when you get yourself into a relationship with this kind of man, you’re bound to be unhappy and dissatisfied since you’ll be tossed aside after he got what he wanted from you. And such men will kill your soul, your spirit, your dreams, and even your destiny.

Please be careful of your ways and flee these men!

Love has a different nature

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

What is the difference between love and lust? Unselfishness. Lust is really about the selfish satisfaction of one’s needs (in this case, sexual needs). When a man loves you, he cares about you.

He will lift you up spiritually. He will support you in all your endeavours. He will take your opinion into account. He will cover you, protect you and be patient with you. He will take care of you at all levels – body and soul.

Well, that’s all for today! In you opinion, what is the main difference between lust and love? Please share your point of view in the comments below!


Stay blessed!


  1. Ayodele Oluwakemi says:

    Nice write up, so much blessings and lessons. Thanks so much

    • angelce says:

      you’re welcome!

    • Matron Okoye B.N says:

      Hello Angelce,

      That’s really a wonderful and well analyzed article to spell out the difference between physical love and real love. The story of Amnon and Tamar is a great picture of the whole article. A lot of Men will try to fake love just to sleep with a lady and when they achieve their goal they will find a way to quit the friendship. I really enjoyed reading this article it’s really a great teacher.