The 5 Basic Needs of Men

 

 

My dear fellow Proverbs 31 woman in progress!

A couple of years ago, I was reading a book about preparation for marriage – well, I am still single but you’d better be prepared to get married, don’t you think? I arrived at a page describing the basic needs of men and women to be fulfilled in a couple to have a happy marriage. It certainly means that if love is the basis of a wonderful marriage, it should nevertheless take, as Martin Luther said, a lot of work and prayers.

So here are the 5 basic needs of men, according to the book I read – and no, I won’t talk about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs! This is not a marketing course, sorry…

 

Sexual fulfillment

sexual fulfillment

A loving couple in bed

Sex is indeed important for a man, ladies, not only because they are “two-legged animals” who have huge sexual needs, but also because sex matches emotional feelings when a man is truly in love.

I am not saying that men (and women nowadays) are not capable of separating love and sex. I am saying that when a man is in love with a woman, sex has also a spiritual meaning for them. So as women, we should understand the connection between sex, romance and tenderness to win our men.

Oh, and by the way, sex is only for your husband and both of you must remain faithuful to one another. I remember the apostle Paul saying the husband’s body belongs to his wife and the wife’s body belongs to her husband. Sex is that important for men that I have two examples in French history:

  • Madame de Maintenon, Louis XIV’s secret wife, was complaining about her husband’s huge sexual needs to her confessor and asked whether she could avoid what she called “painful situations”. Her confessor told her not to do so, otherwise her husband could lose his mind without sex! Can you imagine that? For the record, Louis XIV was said to be very sexually active, even at an advanced age.

madame de maintenon

The beautiful and pious Madame de Maintenon

  • King Louis XV was faithful to his wife until she decided to close the door of her bedroom and not to satisfy the sexual needs of her husband because she had ten pregnancies. The King therefore decided to take mistresses (the most famous ones are the Marquise de Pompadour and the Comtesse du Barry).

Louis XV wife

Louis XV’s wife

Recreational accompanying

a couple biking

A happy couple biking together

Women should share her husband’s hobbies or at least, take some interests in them; so that they can have conversations about them. If you have complete separate lives, I suggest that you encourage your husband to pursue the hobbies he enjoys, whereas he does the same for you.

You just have to find activities where you take pleasure to be together. If you need an example, it is said that the Duchess of Cambridge took interest in polo she didn’t know anything about it to please her husband.

duchess of cambridge

The exquisite Duchess of Cambridge

Attractiveness

 

reine esther

The magnificent Queen Esther

Women must keep in shape and beautiful so that their husband can be proud of them in public and attracted to them in private. However, I know many women who were beautiful at the beginning of their marriage and who totally neglected themselves as time passed by.

I am not saying that you should look like a model (they are heavily airbrushed on their pictures by the way). But you should healthy and beautiful by adopting healthy habits, as well as appropriate dress and hairstyle. Think about the examples below:

  • Diane de Poitiers (mistress of the French King Henry II) managed to remain beautiful even in her sixties (and hence to keep the love of the King) because she had an incredibly modern routine for the Renaissance era: exercise, lots of sleep, no toxic cosmetics, good hygienic habits, self-discipline

diane de poitiers

The fascinating Diane de Poitiers

  • On the contrary, Madame de Montespan, one of the most famous mistress of Louis XIV, was an exquisite beauty who spoilt her appearance by her love of food and lack of exercise (however, she can be excused because she had nine pregnancies!). She became really fat and this contributed to her disgrace; as well as her diva character and her possible involvement in the Affaire des Poisons.

madame de montespan

The fierce and glorious Madame de Montespan

Being a domestic goddess

 

homemaker 2

Homemaker, wife and mother

We should create a home, a safe haven where a peaceful and loving atmosphere reigns for our husbands and children. Remember that as women, we are responsible of making our homes and that “the wise woman builds her home” (Proverbs 14.1).

Put your home in order. Let your husband relax. If you remember my first post on homemaking, I said that homemaking reflects your level of spiritual maturity. If you have sufficient financial means, you can hire housekeepers. But you should never forget that in the end, you are ultimately responsible for your home.

 

Admire your husband

 

admiring your husband

Isn’t he wonderful?

You are his helpmeet and his partner; so be proud of him. Be his biggest supporter. Boost his self-confidence. Stop being critical if you don’t have anything constructive to say. Learn to appreciate him and what he does for you and your family. Help him to reach his full potential.

I do really believe that a woman has the power to make her man or to break him, just by her attitudes.

What do you think of the 5 basic needs of men? Please share your point of view!

Stay blessed!

 

 


39 comments

  1. Sheila says:

    I love your website and this article on what the basic needs of men are in marriage. I agree with all of it and if all women today would observe these needs we could decrease the divorce rate which is now around 51%! Though our society preaches feminist views and many will reject the idea that a women should practice this model of catering to her spouse, I view it not so much as a submissive role, but one of power and leadership within the family unit. Which one the theses basic needs do you think is the most important? Though, all are important, I have found in my own marriage that being my husband’s biggest fan and encouraging him is the most vital.
    Sheila

    • angelce says:

      Hello Sheila, thank you for your comment! It’s refreshing to find that some women find their role empowering and not being a passive thing! And thank you for sharing your own experience!

  2. Anh Nguyen says:

    These hit the nail in the head! I really like this detailed article and you giving a lot of examples and photos. I think this article would be very beneficial to women who want to improve their relationship. Well done, I don’t praise a lot but you deserve it. What I think would help is to have a regular size and border for the images , it will be easier to read. All the best!

  3. Sean says:

    Hi Elodie,

    Another great post! As a man, I can confirm that all the things you mentioned above are important.

    I guess this is quite a high standard and it’s important to note that your husband will not expect you to be superhuman. You can relax too :-).

    Men generally look quite confident, but I’d like you ladies to know that without you, he can’t truly feel like a man.

    If a man feels loved and cared for by his woman, he will rise to any challenge that life can throw at him.

    I agree with Sheila above, a man will really love your encouragement and support and appreciate it, although I think all men will have a ‘most important need’ for him personally.

    A good book to read on that topic would be the 5 Love Languages. It’s a must-read for men too in order to please their wives the way they want to be pleased.

    Take care,
    Sean

  4. Dan says:

    Hello, Elodie.
    Yes, Marriage does take a lot of work as Martin Luther King says. King Louis was very Randy and sure needed to be satisfied frequently, but cheating on your wife is never a good thing. My wife and I share the love of motorcycles we ride together on My Honda Goldwing GL1500, she had her own but sold it due to financial reasons.My wife is as beautiful as the day I met her.Weight management is important not only for women but for men also in terms of staying healthy and attractive. My wife is a great house-keeper but has a full-time job as well. WE sometimes disagree on things but most times we get along she tells me she loves me and thinks I am good looking all the time.
    Dan.

    • angelce says:

      Hello Dan, thank you for input. I always value men’s point of view because I believe that men’s and women’s cooperation will make the world better. Please keep in mind that I am a woman and that I shared my point of view about something I read. However, I think that you seem to have a wonderful marriage with your wife and I agree with what you said. Yes, I want a husband who always looks attractive for me. Yes, you’re right, King Louis XV (I guess you were talking about him) was very randy but he was faithful to his wife at the beginning of their marriage until his wife refused to have sex with him (it’s not an excuse for adultery though…)

  5. Zoe says:

    Great post here! 🙂 I have to say, I definitely agree, all these points are important ones… particularly numbers 1, 2 and 5.
    I think the “attractiveness” point is more about self care… and at the end of the day, you have to love yourself before you can love another, right? You should both be striving to fulfil this point in my opinion…

  6. Cat says:

    Love this post! really helpful read, I agree these are the foundations of a relationship. Me and my partner share a lot in common so we accompany each other in most of our recreations, we also appreciate each other and admire one another although sometimes we forget to tell each other, I think it is important to voice these thoughts to each other.
    This post makes me feel confident about my current relationship, thanks for the post! 🙂

  7. Melinda says:

    Hi Elodie. This is a very interesting read. I have always felt like there is a give and take in a marriage. I have always tried my best to make sure that my husband felt appreciated. Without him, I would not be the woman that I am. My son thought we were weird because we never fought, lol. We have discussions, but we are both very passive, so they never become heated debates. It seems to work for us. 🙂
    ~ Melinda

  8. Lawrence says:

    Hello 🙂

    this is a very easy to digest post which i love.
    Thanks for structuring a solid foundation to knowing what woman want in a man.

    I can take note of this and as I am male, can see the pointers and learn from them 🙂

    It’s also important to remember that no one has to play the “superhuman” role in a love relationship, so it’s always best to just be your self and be the best, loving self you can be.

    Thanks for a very practical post!

    Lawrence.

  9. Demi says:

    You are spot on! Very descriptive article. I showed this article to my husband and straight away echoed the points you have made in this article. Thanks for sharing.

  10. Rawl says:

    Hmm…I don’t know. I relate to Louis XV’s wife. I had four children between 1995 and 1998. The last ones were twins. They were newborn and my other two were 3 and 11/2 years old. You do become scared at some point that in spite of what type of birth control you use (and we used them all) that you will have more kids.

    I can’t say shutting her door was the solution. I don’t know what it would have been back then since medicine was not as advanced as it is now. What I’m saying is that it’s a concern for some women and needs to be discussed

  11. Rawl says:

    This is a wonderful site for Christian women married and single. This article is good for single Christian women who want to be married and to prepare for marriage.

    Getting a married Christian woman’s perspective on this post would be great to see how it works in the reality of their life.

  12. ODULANA TITILOPE says:

    Am blessed by this… today is my first time of seeing and knowing his blog… I hope I shall be getting more of your posts? A
    m single but gotten more preparation tips from you… thank you ma

  13. Bubbles says:

    Wao, am so happy reading this and other women experiences. This is a great one, a marriage saving one. Permission to share

  14. Amaka says:

    An interesting post. I agree with all the points made here. I also believe that another important need of a man is RESPECT. My husband always tell me that amongst many,one of the reasons why he loves me so much is the respect I give to him both in his presence and and in his absence. I enjoy the love showers i get from him in return. It’s amazing how we get so much from just a little we give.

    • angelce says:

      Hello Amaka,

      Thanks for sharing your testimony!

      You’re right. Men want to be respected for who they are and for their strength. It will be the topic of one of my future posts. I’ve already thought about it. Stay tuned!

  15. fashionspeaks says:

    I’m just seen this post today, I’m blessed. I have discovered with time that some men are difficult to please but persistence in d above listed points can help.

  16. Jane says:

    This piece is wonderful! And every woman shouldn’t neglect these five points and more especially backed up with prayers. I won’t forget to add that men are adventurous in nature.Building yourself intellectually and being humble at the same time, sweeps a man off his feet.We can’t be superhumans, but we can put our best to make our homes enviable.

  17. Rosy says:

    Wow! Thank you so much for teaching and inspiring me with this article. Although I am still single, this is a good recipe for preparation…

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