Living With Your Man Before Getting Married?

 

 


My dear fellow Proverbs 31 woman in Progress,

I hope you are well and that you are still standing in God’s grace. I am sorry I haven’t posted for so long, but I had a new job and had to adapt to my new situation.

Well, anyway, today, I’m back and I’ll talk about a situation we are currently meeting in our society, even in our churches.

Many couples today move in together before getting married and I was wondering how we should handle this as women of faith and substance.


What is the current relationship pattern?

You see, many people in the world move in together and some finally even getting married. The relationship pattern we are currently seeing is the following:

  • meet your partner
  • date for some time
  • have sex
  • move in together
  • getting married (in some cases)

The main explanations I often hear when I see unmarried people moving in together is that they will grow to know each other better and that it’s also financially convenient.

But what does God think about cohabitation before marriage?

God’s Answer

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Hebrews 13:4

My dear sisters, living with a man before marriage is sexual immorality. This is not me saying it, it’s God’s Word. The Bible is clear to call marriage honorable among many institutions.

And also, I started to understand why the Lord really insist on the sanctity of marriage. It’s because He gave it to mankind in the Garden of Eden and blessed the first marriage ever between Adam and Eve:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth”

Genesis 1:27-28

Therefore, marriage is following God’s order for creation and when we live with men before marriage, we break this natural order set up by God. Following God’s order brings us spiritual and material blessings. Breaking them just brings us despair and misery.

Don’t sell yourself short

I also wanted to stress that above all, women crave a man’s commitment in a relationship. And marriage is the ultimate commitment. The reason why we shouldn’t live with men before marriage is because by doing so, we are less prone to decide to get married. We’ll often tend to say; ‘I don’t need to get married, it’s just a piece of paper’.

When yu live with a man without a strong commitment like marriage, you are selling yourself short. You offer him all the privileges of a married life without demanding a commitment. So whay would he even bother to ask for your hand in marriage?

But as I described above, God says that marriage is honorable among all and that the marital bed should be undefiled. Why would we ignore that?!

Maybe you are currently in this situation. Maybe you moved in because it was financially convenient. Maybe you feared that you would lose your man if you refused. If you are in one of this situation, remember that God loves you and wants your happiness. And repent.

For those who are currently single or starting a new relationship, please don’t make this mistake. And don’t look at other people who married after living together for a while. This is their own story – good for them. As women of faith, we should stick to God’s Word, trust Him and obey Him.


Let’s follow God’s pattern for relationships

Instead of looking for wordly examples, let’s look at relationships in the Bible. You will notice that few men had marital relationships outside marriage.

Case study #1: Isaac and Rebekah

Okay, I admit that it’s not exactly the pattern of current relationships since the marriage was arranged. But what I want to stress out is that Abraham’s servant looked for God’s guidance and saw Rebekah’s qualities as a wife for his master, and he brought her right away to get married. No “trial marriage” was proposed to Rebekah’s family to see if she would fit Isaac’s desires.

Read more about Rebekah’s story here.

Case study #2: Jacob and Rachel

When Jacob wanted to marry Rachel, he worked 14 years for her hand. No cohabitation before marriage was even considered.

Read more about Rachel’s story here.

Case study #3: David and Abigail

David noticed Abigail’s wisdom and beauty when he met her. When her husband died, he sought her hand in marriage right away and she accepted. No cohabitation before marriage was considered.

Read more about Abigail’s story here.

Also, if you want more information on the pattern your courtship period should have, read the Song of Songs of Solomon. You will see how a man is supposed to court and pursue you.

Please don’t hesitate to study relationships in the Bible if you have a doubt on the way you should behave in this kind of situation. But don’t look at other human beings, they are weak and feeble like you. Look to God instead.

And from today on, this is the new pattern of relationship we should all follow (certifed by God’s Word, please!):

  • meet a man
  • assess his potential
  • have a courtship period (yes, let him pursue you)
  • get married
  • move in together/have sex
  • multiply and be fruitful (i.e. having children, start projects together, build your home…)

Well, that’s it for today! I hope you’ll be encouraged by this new post. What do you think of living together before marriage?

Please share your point of view with me!

Stay blessed!

 

 

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6 comments

  1. Alysanna says:

    First I would like to commend your boldness for tackling such topic as this. I mean, let’s face it, moving in together before getting married is the “norm” these days. However, Romans 12:2 tells believers not to conform to the patterns of this world.

    Most women (and men) think that having an arrangement like this is just being practical, that way they get to know each other first before deciding to tie the knot.

    But practicality does not determine right from wrong. No matter how people try to defend it, it still wrong and remains to be wrong because the Bible says so.

    My favorite among the love stories you mentioned is that of Isaac and Rebekah. Although some consider it to be old fashioned, I believe this principle of choosing a marriage partner also applies in our time in that Christians must only marry Christians.

  2. Danette says:

    I very much appreciated reading this.

    We have four teenagers right now (one soon to be 20). A wedding is something to look forward to, whether it be your own or seeing one of your children get married.

    What makes it extra special is when both bride and groom are putting God before each other — loving God more than each other, and knowing that God is the one who ultimately meets their needs. Waiting until marriage to live together is one way of truly putting God first, and demonstrating this to each other. It puts marriage on a strong foundation.

    Thanks for writing this article, and God bless you!

  3. Jenne Kamara says:

    I’m truly grateful for this piece. I now know better that its best your man find you than the other way round. Fornication is a sin no matter how society wants to potray it. I live for Jesus and I’ll serve Him with both body and soul

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